Cole Allen's manifesto ended with a sob: 'I want to throw up. I want to cry. I don't expect forgiveness.'

The Cold Manifesto Has a Hot Center: "I Want to Throw Up. I Want to Cry."

Most of Cole Allen's manifesto reads like an engineering plan with footnotes. There is one passage that breaks the tone entirely.

The Passage

"If anyone is curious how doing something like this feels: it's awful. I want to throw up; I want to cry for all the things I wanted to do and never will. I don't expect forgiveness, but if I could have seen any other way to get this close, I would have taken it."

Three sentences. Past, present, future tense. Awareness of the personal cost. Awareness of the moral cost. No defiance, no martyrdom rhetoric, no glorification.

Why It Matters

Manifestos from political-violence actors typically end on triumphalist or martyrdom notes. Allen's ends in something closer to grief. Whether the passage is genuine remorse, cognitive dissonance under load, or rhetorical performance — analysts will parse for years.

The Effect

Outlets that originally framed Allen as a "cold killer" had to recalibrate when this passage emerged. The CBS News review, Daily Wire reporting, and Washington Examiner coverage all foregrounded the "I want to throw up" line. It is the human cost the rest of the document buried in target lists and ammunition specs.